Trepidation
by tdg12
Summary: I shouldn't be allowed to make decisions. This is what happens when I do. Chaos. Don't bother paying any attention to my ramblings, I drove myself into obscuritory within a year (it really took half that time). I deserve it though. No one will or should care about my story. Twenty years from now I'll just be Kylie Irma Potter, James insane sister who belongs in Mungos.
1. Repudiated, Innocuous, Forlorn

Trepidation by Luckygurl102

 **Chapter One: Repudiated, Innocuous, Forlorn.**

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _: I own nothing you recognize!_

 _ **Author's Note:**_ _So I originally have this story on HPFF, but do to their rules (which I don't have much problems with) this story can't develop how I have it in my head. It's taking some turns and I don't know how I'll continue it because I have a very clear image and so I decided to re-edit it and post it here. Now, this story contains sexual content, substance use and abuse, and abuse in general. That being said if you're sensitive to that stuff please just click away as I wish you no harm. This story means a lot to me, as it is my own personal therapist of sorts and I need the escapism. Lol, anyways, Kylie is a bit fucked up in the head, for poor choice of words, but if you bear with me I have plans for this story. And there are two endings in my head right now, well a few more but two completely opposite endings and where this may lead you never know!_

 _Needless to say, this is a very heavy angsty teenage drama, so you're warned. Also, rape is mentioned in the later chapters so go ahead and prepare._

 _Also, my sense of grammar has gotten so very poor upon graduation and taking a year (or forever) off college. That being said, I hope this story can still be read and enjoyed. If anyone should like to help me in the Beta department by my guest, as I am sure I could greatly use someone else's eyeballs and brains for a change. Sorry for the long authors note/disclaimer. I will stop now._

 _-luckygurl102_

 _P.S. I lied, but I feel like I should point out this story is in Kylie's perspective, first person and all so what you read is what her brain is thinking (although I'm sure you may realize that being that we're educated an all) so what happens is what she thinks is happening. It may get confusing later but I don't want to spoil it but I don't want you to get lost in it either! Now, I promise I'm done! On with the story!_

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 **CRASH**! Followed by a _thump_ of many heavy volumes of textbooks that escaped my grasp and thus went tumbling to the floor. The echoes could practically be heard throughout the now empty grand staircase. Probably even the entire freaking castle. "Bloody hell." I muttered groaning as I got off my probably now bruised knees. _My day just keeps getting better and better._

I'd forgotten that the trick step was on the staircase I'd taken. It made no sense, really, that in a **magical** castle that even a _trick_ step would be something that was neglected to be fixed in all the years since its construction. But maybe that was just myself, I don't know. Why make life any easier? What was the point in fixing the step if you just told everyone to remember about it? Bunch of lazy _arses_.

I then began to pick up my belongings that had fallen whilst I had made my 'trip' downstairs. I sat there, grumbling to myself at how the _so_ - _called_ **great** founders of Hogwarts couldn't even fix a step but could manage to create and entire castle that would survive thousands of years. I'd often asked about the _ridiculous_ architectural mishaps of the gothic castle that housed Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. One would think, being some of the _greatest_ and most _powerful_ witches and wizards of our time, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, or even _Slytherin_ would comment on how the castle just wasn't up to par. Trick steps, countless passages, not to mention the most _bizarre_ statues. I mean, who would think that tapping a statue and saying ' _Dissendium_ ' would lead you out to the village. The only weird thing about the castle that the founders hadn't place was the Whomping Willow, which arrived my first year at school here. There were loads of rumors about the place, but only a handful of people knew the real deal about it, myself being one of the lucky few.

Cursing myself for letting my thoughts lead me astray, and prolong my sitting on the cold stone floor, I gave myself a shake and resumed picking up my belongings. I was reaching for the pack of quills I kept when I heard footsteps approaching and saw the shoes that caused those footsteps. Repressing an irritated groan, I took to ignoring the inevitable that would inevitably come; I resumed putting my things in my messenger bag. I didn't stop until I heard a voice.

"Yep, it's _definitely_ Tuesday." The comment was from in front of me, coming from a person I could only see the trousers and shoes of, as I was sitting and still gathering my books and other personal objects that had fallen out of my bag. I'd know that voice anywhere, having heard it the past five years of my life almost everyday for at least ten months out of the year, give or take a few weeks. I stifled a groan. _No_ , I couldn't deal with **him** right now, or the rest of the-

Before I could finish my inward complaints the laughter of two other boys was heard, and I knew each of them just as well as the first voice. "Why is it she's always so _down_ on Tuesdays?" The first of them asked, no doubt using my distress as a joke for the other two. They were all boys, which could be surmised by the pants they wore under their robes, as all the girls in school took to skirts, trying to show off as much as they could for the males, the boys in front of me in particular. I hid my irritation and shoved a roll of parchment that contained part of my Potions essay in my bag, ignoring the wrinkling it would no doubt create as well as the unorganized mess in my bag. I would eventually pay for that later when I would have to finish it tonight.

I took no mind to them, seeing as this happened, to the boy's previous hints, quite often and I've become immune to them, and used to carrying about my business. It wasn't that hard, as I ignored them (as well as the rest of the school's population) on a daily basis. The first one laughed while I heard a squeak of a laugh that sounded not only awkward, but in pain. I rolled my eyes; glad the boys couldn't see my face. Finally, after nearly gathering all my things, which took only a minute but felt like an eternity, did one of the boys bother to descend to my level, presumably to help me gather my things. The one who had spoken picked up a cylinder, slim, shaped objected in a paper wrapping. He was, no doubt, a bit confused at first as to what it might be, I could tell as he got down to eye level with me.

"What Sirius? _Surely_ you've seen a tampon before?" I asked, not shy in the least in mention of feminine hygiene products in front of the three boys. I knew its effect, and it took to that immediately with the other two. I could see their feet twitch, and they hurried away, mumbling some lame excuse and I grinned in triumph, snatching the tampon from his hands. Two out of three gone wasn't that bad, even if I wanted the one in front of me gone. But of course, he didn't look the least bit surprised that I carried it around, or embarrassed. Arse. He really had to have everything going for him, didn't he? Looks, talents, charm...Even **brains** for Merlin's sake. Of course the good came with extremities of the bad; he was arrogant, went by his own schedule, cared of nobody save for himself (and maybe the other three of his posse), not to mention was a bully, as well as a _narcissistic moron._

I shook my head; those thoughts definitely shouldn't be coming from my brain about him. If he knew, it could be rotationally catastrophic, physically, emotionally, and mentally. So I rolled my eyes at him, shoving the tampon in my bag. I stood, ignoring his hand he offered to help me up with. I then proceeded to dust the imaginary dirt left on me: anything to avoid looking at his eyes or face. Hoping he'd take the hint (that I wanted him to leave and thus continue ignoring me); I straightened my bag on my shoulder.

"You alright?" He asked me. I didn't let myself think he was that concerned, as he probably had a date with a broom cupboard nearby and was leaving the girl waiting. It was his thing, arriving ' _fashionably_ ' late.

I nodded, pulling my Gryffindor courage and looking him squarely in the eyes. "Yeah, after all, it _must_ be Tuesday." I said, a bit spitefully, fixing my shirt and swiftly turning on the spot, not looking over my shoulder. My braid plopped against the back of my robes, to which I though maybe a hair cut should be in order. My hair was getting long; it was starting to grow past my elbows.

Taking special care not to take any wondering staircases, or trick steps, I managed to climb safely away to the Gryffindor common room without another mishap. It was a feat, I must say, managing relatively unscathed as I reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. I greeted her with a smile and the password. "Baboons." I honestly had no idea who picked these passwords; I think the head girl and boy did. In that case, Raven McKinnon (Hufflepuff) and Jeremy Post (Ravenclaw) seriously had some problems.

Upon entering the common room, I surveyed the almost crowded area. As usual, it was a bustle of people working, playing, or snogging (sometimes a combination of two of the three, or even all three). Of course, my entrance went unnoticed, and I saw the three guys, now with the fourth one, in the center of the room in front of the fireplace laughing over a joke they shared. They had millions of them. A look of slight jealousy passed my face as I felt a sudden envy of the four. Just as the feeling came, Sirius looked up and met my eyes, and I quickly bounded over to the staircase.

I wasn't their friend anymore, was something I'd come to terms with over the year or so I'd spent avoiding them. Albeit, it wasn't quite as easy as I thought it was going to be, in the beginning it was ridiculously difficult spending any amount of time away from them, as they were all practically my brothers. Turning to face the way to the stairs, I raced up to the fifth year girls' dorm. Biting my bottom lip to prevent the tears that were welling in my eyes, I slammed the door, thankful to be alone. With my back against the door, I sunk against it a little, throwing my bag at the foot of my bed. After three minutes of calming myself down, I stood and I planted myself on my bed; Tuesday it was indeed.

My classes before lunch were finished, as this was the only free period I had during the day, it was spent catching up on homework and revisions. Being sixth year the teachers thought that the need for piles of homework was deemed necessary, and that us having the time to actually do the homework they assigned for us was insignificant.

Monday's classes began double Transfiguration, then lunch for an hour. After lunch I had double Herbology. After that it was supper time, followed by "study time" as the teachers put it, but basically free time for any students who didn't have the most important exams of their lives (like OWLS or NEWTS), and revisions and study for fifth and seventh years. Then curfew was at nine for the upper years (5-7), but eight for the lower years. And after the curfews there are prefect patrols (thank you Merlin Lily and Remus were made prefect in fifth year and NOT me). Tuesdays began with Charms, followed by a break until lunch. Then began double Potions, then double Defense Against the Dark Arts. Luckily I don't have any classes after Defense today. Wednesdays I have Potions, followed by lunch. After lunch I have Herbology. And then I have Ancient Runes. Then I get a short break, followed by supper and free time before curfew. Thursdays began with Charms, followed by a much-needed lunch. After lunch began Transfiguration and then Defense Against the Dark Arts, which ended my classes for the day. Tuesdays and Thursdays were the only days I got a free period, and Tuesdays are before lunch and Thursdays are before supper. Thursdays and Fridays are some of the hardest days for me. Glorious Fridays start off with Potions then Charms followed that before lunch. Then I get to go to Transfiguration and Defense afterwards, ending my classes with Ancient Runes. Fridays always drained me physically and mentally to the point that after homework was done, I was asleep before I hit the pillow.

At the moment, I was working a particularly difficult Potions essay on the effects of adding an acid ingredient before the base fully settled (three feet), which had wrinkles throughout the paper due to my shoving it in my bag earlier. Huffing as I tried to smooth out the wrinkles, I tried to think of a way to smooth the parchment. I tried a charm on it that I did on my blouses to rid the wrinkles. To my surprise, it worked!

It was eleven when I was ending my final paragraph of my Potions essay. " _In conclusion, the effects of adding an acid ingredient before the base was fully settled would be not only disastrous, as well as ruin your potion, perhaps even your cauldron! Therefore, one should always thoroughly read the instructions, from top to bottom, and the ingredients before even starting the potion. It helps to arrange the ingredients in the order one uses them, to help prevent any further confusion as well as lessen the chances of an accident occurring._ " I often read aloud when writing, for some reason it helped me. Placing the final period, my head cocked up when I heard a commotion downstairs. _Yes_ , I thought to myself after looking at the clock and noticing that it was nearing lunch, _it must be Tuesday_. Sighing, I rolled off my bed and grabbed my wand from my robes I had discarded on the floor. I went downstairs to sort it out, knowing the cause before I could properly decipher what the voices (the commotion) were saying. As soon as I descended upon the last step the familiar and annoying sight at the bottom of the stairs met me.

"Innocuous? _**Innocuous?**_ Potter, you wouldn't be the meaning of the word not now, not in a thousand years!" Almost shrieking, the female stood across James. Her arms were crossed and her face slightly flushed with anger. I nodded silently. Yes, indeed it would be that fiery redheaded girl Lily Evans yelling in the common room at James. I reached the bottom step to see everyone had stopped what they were doing to watch this entertainment, which happened on a weekly basis, some days more than others, this Tuesday being no different from any other. She had a look on her face that was a seven on the Lily Evans anger scale, and this was high. Usually James didn't peak above five and a half until it was _that week_ of the month. And even then, he couldn't be blamed for Lily's emotional roller coaster.

I sighed, this was going to end badly if no one stopped it, and by the looks of it, no one was going to. I would have to step in, as always. Even the boys were laughing this time, loving the confused expression on James's face, and angry on Lily's. "Lily, what did-" I began to ask, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder; she jumped and turned to see who it was. Upon seeing me, she glared. No, she wasn't angry with me, she was angry at the situation, and more importantly James. " **Don't even** , Kylie. He-" Lily wasn't screaming at me (thank you Merlin), but she had a tone in her voice that clearly said back off. She didn't get to finish what she was saying because James cut her off.

"Give it up, Evans! He deserved it. I saw _Snivellus_ the other day, with **Mulciber** and **Nott** , pulling hexes on some second year muggleborns. Calling them a…a…a _you-know-what!_ " James, however rude he was, would never call anyone a mud blood, especially in the presence of muggle-born Lily herself. He was hurt more than anything, which is why he resorted to yelling. Inside he was nursing his bruised ego. He probably asked her out yesterday, which he did every other Monday, and was still suffering.

Lily rolled her eyes, turning her attention back towards the source of half her misery (as she would put it). " _Severus_ ," She said, emphasizing each syllable of his name and saying it with force "is innocent until proven guilty. You, _Potter_ , on the other hand were caught jinxing him! And I don't give a rat's _arse_ why you did, but taking disciplinary matters into your own hands like that isn't making you any better than he is!" She screamed. In her last scream/rant/put-down she had a note of finality in her voice. A swish on her heels signaled that she was finished arguing, and had clearly won with the dumbfounded look on his face with her comparison to him and Snape being the same. Clearly, he thought that was the most incredulous thing he'd ever heard, and looked at his friends, who looked at him with sympathy. Although Lily wasn't as close to him as she was the past few years at Hogwarts, we all were there to witness the lake incident after our OWL tests last year, she still vehemently defended him against James at times like this. If anything I felt like she mainly did it to piss him off. Although, now that I think about it, James has been hexing Snape more than Lily has been defending Snape. I always wondered how the two were friends and remained friends for so long, being so different and all, besides the fact that Lily was oblivious to the fact that Severus Snape was head over heels obsessed with her. You can just tell by the way he used to trail after her and how ever since she stopped speaking to him he's been seen stalking her more often than not. Well, maybe I just see these things because I'm in the background most of the time.

I sighed as Lily stormed past me on her way up to the dorm to calm down. I was glad that I didn't need resort to magic to break up the argument. It seemed that even the two, at each other throats, had seemed to be calming down a bit now that it was sixth year and only a month into the school year. This year should prove to be at least a quieter one, or fewer hexes flying one.

The common room fell back into its bustle of things, and I just stood there at the bottom of the staircase, not really paying attention to what was going on around me. After a few thoughtful moments, I decided to take to an early lunch, seeing as the earlier I went, the less people there would be. I didn't have a problem with the other Gryffindors, but I just didn't enjoy being too crowded. It was annoying having people bumping elbows at the table, and being ambidextrous, I could eat with either hand so it wasn't a problem of a left hander being on my right (though that did happen and sometimes I thought left handers and right handers sat on either side of me to annoy me) I didn't enjoy being in close proximity to other people. Even if they were my own housemates, most of them weren't what you'd call friends. It was odd, I guess you could say that I considered the people I'd know for the better part of five years, and then some, were strangers. However, that was how I adapted myself. I wasn't a social outcast, just one who preferred her own bandwagon as opposed to everyone else. I find I don't mind most of the time, yes, there was the occasional empty feeling inside, considering all that has happened since coming here to Hogwarts, but I did what I wanted. Often, it was good being invisible, especially when I was never the butte of the rumors that spread around the school. To everyone, I was simply innocuous. I find that, even though it wasn't true, I didn't mind the 'label.'

On my way to the Great Hall I may as well been under the invisibility cloak, that was how little people looked at me. Seldom to any did anyone ever turn their attention my way these days? I'd grown very much used to it, and even intended on keeping it that way. It kept me from facing unpleasant people, as well as having to deal with people. People I had no intention of dealing with. No, I wasn't ugly. I've been told (by people other than family) that I'm quite pretty and adorable, but they never really elaborate past that because they're scared.

Right before I'd gotten to the front of the doors, someone bumped into me and sent me stumbling to the ground. It was Roger Chart, a gorgeous sixth year Ravenclaw. He looked to see whom he had run into and his eyes widened. He mumbled an apology (clearly he had somewhere to be as he took to flying up the stairs). I didn't let it bother me, as I didn't have any books, just the wand in my robes. I entered the great hall and made my way to the nearly empty Gryffindor table. I sat on the end, close to the door. Pouring myself a glass of pumpkin juice, I thought about the last time I even had a boy ask me out, let alone a boyfriend. I frowned. Guys started asking me out in third year, and I even went out with the one or two that weren't scared off. But the longest relationship I had was only two months. I made myself a roast beef sandwich and thought. It wasn't fair to me, really, that I had to suffer. After all, I was innocuous, invisible even. I guess that's what I get; I rather dug myself into this forgotten person. Kylie Potter. If you asked anyone around, they'd just connect me to being James Potter's twin, and have nothing else to say on the matter nowadays. Of course, with a brother like James, that was all anyone wanted to talk about anyway. Am I bitter, no…a little resentful? Maybe. However, I'd cope. I was Kylie Potter, after all, better known as 'the twin.'

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 _ **Author's Note:**_ _Well there you have it, the new chapter one. I am rewriting chapter two as I type this. Leave a review with your thoughts! It doesn't even have to be long one! I previously had this set to fifth year but I feel sixth year works in my mind better, as events from fifth year seem a better age and setting for my needed flashbacks to work in this here novel…Lol I hope you guys enjoy!_


	2. Nitwits & Fangirls & Classes in Between

**Chapter Two: Of Nitwits, To Fangirls, To the Classes in Between**

 ** _Author's Note_** _: I am proud to introduce chapter two! This chapter should open up more about Kylie and have more on the inner workings of Kylie's mind, as well as a view of how things go on a typical day in the life of Kylie Irma Potter. I'm hoping it adds to the character development, I apologize if she seems to be a cliché or overdone or what have you; leave a review letting me know your thoughts on the matter! Also, I am in need of someone willing to beta so please contact me if you're willing. My main troubles are tenses and my grammar is weakening by the years spent out of school. I find when I am writing anything fiction all sense of the grammatical fly out the window. I am a terrible editor myself and have the editorial sense of child. I write as I talk in my head and I know that's my problem! So please help a gal out, if you can't beta point one my way even!_

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"You know, I was thinking of asking Sirius to Hogsmeade this weekend. I mean, it's already Tuesday and he doesn't even have a date yet!" I didn't have to turn around to know whom the voice belonged to. Not that I knew her by name, but I definitely recognized her as the ringleader of the group that follows the guys around or at least one of the groups. They get worse as the years go by, I swear. And some of the things they did were _ridiculous_ just to get the boys' attention. 

"Oh you totally should! I swear I saw him staring at you in Charms this morning." One of her friends whispered (not so quietly I might add) to the first girl.

I didn't even resist the temptation of rolling my eyes at the two nitwits. Honestly, Charms this morning was with mostly Ravenclaw and us Gryffindors that are taking it beyond OWLs, meaning these two nitwits belonged to the aforementioned house. Those girls were supposed to be smart! I guess that just goes to show that teenage hormones trumps the brain anytime, and that girls (as well as guys) can only think with one major organ at a time. "Oh Merlin please help me." I groaned aloud, trying not to stab myself with the fork that was in my hand. If it wasn't Sirius then it was James and if it wasn't James then it was Remus, and if it wasn't Remus then sometimes it was even Peter, if not all four of them. The _Marauders_. "I thought of the bloody nickname." I muttered under my breath, aggravated at the memory.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" One of the girls behind me just asked and I bit back another groan.

 _Invisible. I am invisible. You cannot see me; you will not see me_. It was my mantra around girls like these two. Unfortunately, wishful thinking was wasted in the presence of the Marauders' ultimate fan club. I heard one of the girls scoff and just like that the switch flipped. Suddenly I wanted them to notice me, I wanted them to engage me. I needed an outlet, at least a better one than the outlet I've been using as of late. These two girls were just what I needed right now.

So I turned around and smiled at them with one of the fakest smiles of surprise I've ever given. "I just couldn't help to overhear you two." I said, laying on the sarcasm a bit thick, just to even see if these two could understand that.

The 'ringleader', a tall black haired girl with (dare I even think it?) a pretty face, was indeed a Marauder fan girl and could be seen trying to jump at least one of the boys, even if it was Peter. Pete's not a bad guy, but compared to the others… Poor guy.

But the ringleader narrowed her eyes at me. Apparently, sarcasm did register with the fan girls, duly noted. "Don't eavesdrop, it's not attractive." She said, in an I'm-better-than-you-so-don't-even-think-otherwise kind of voice. "Yeah." Her brunette sidekick added, as if that made it so much worse.

I rolled my eyes, not even bothering to hide my irritation. "So sorry. Please, do forgive my intrusion on your _extremely_ important conversation. I hope you'll forgive me, I don't know what I'd ever do if you didn't find _me_ attractive." I said, standing up and acting as if I gave a rat's arse about her opinion. The switched flipped. I no longer want to sit still and take it.

It does that sometimes…my emotions I mean. Lately, or rather for the better part of a year or so (and maybe even before that if I concentrate) my moods have been so haywire. One minute I want to be innocuous and a wallflower and the next I'm mouthing off to people who are pissing me the bloody hell off. Nitwits like these girls were especially sensitive to my bullshit radar.

The ringleader narrowed her eyes at me again, looking me up and down as if wondering if I were sincere. _Not in a million years._ But she need not know that. Then she gasped, and snapped her fingers. I could practically see the light bulb shine at the top of her head. Apparently, she realized something. "I know you." She said, slowly at first as if to see if I would tell her or not.

This was unexpected, to know me? After going to the same school since we were eleven. After having numerous classes together over the years? That she might recognize me would be a surprise to her seriously had me worrying about her mental health. Not. Boy there goes my self-confidence. Instead of voicing my thoughts, I put on a fake smile, but I doubt she knew it was fake, seeing as she didn't even know my real smiles and could hardly stand a chance at my _wonderful_ acting (which I was apparently very gifted with and deserved an award for if these two fell for it).

"Oh? Wish I could recall your name." I lied, and had some trouble keeping the sarcasm out of it. It's here where my thoughts start to conflict. I wanted to continue this spat like the petty sixteen year old girl I can be, but I also I wanted to get out of the great hall soon; people were starting to show up for lunch and I for one did not want another run in with anyone else I had no intention of seeing today. Not that I was avoiding anyone in particular, no, I was just wishing to leave in a hurry so I didn't take up too much space in the…extremely large great hall at the extremely large Gryffindor table… Bugger, even my thoughts couldn't hold to an excuse. My point is that here is where I collide. I needed to vent, to let out the pent up sarcasm and attitude I've been clinging inward these past months, but I knew that people were starting to fill up the Great Hall and I wanted to avoid certain persons.

"Oh, she's Ivy Longhorn, and I'm Maria Siskins." The blonde next to her said all friendly like and taking it upon herself to make introductions. I guess since her 'friend' here isn't glaring at me that meant she gets to be nice to me. Girl cliques I shall never understand. Ivy Longhorn rolled her eyes at her friend, clearly embarrassed. "Maria, chill. She's not one of us." The way she said us was as if I was an outsider to some exclusive club. She thought that would hurt me, I guess by the way she said it. _As if._ "She's a Gryffindor though, and in our year. So she knows the Marauders." Maria said, apparently excited at her newfound information.

I bit back a groan. Not everything in this school revolved around those four, but apparently no one but the staff (and maybe not even a few of them) and I agreed on that fact. Not even Lily could because, and I doubt she'd admit it; a day without James following her around or yelling with her would be a very confusing and lonely day for Lily. I bet Lily couldn't wait to get back to school after the summer just so she can have another go at belittling my big brother. Okay, so he's only older by three minutes, but to him may as well be three years. Anyway, back to what the nitwits were saying, and thus my response. "Who?" I asked a look on my face that (to any untrained eye) looked merely curious and slightly confused.

Maria gasped, as if who the Marauders were was the most important thing since… _forever_! Inwardly I rolled my eyes. But since I was enjoying myself a tad too much, I decided to keep this charade going. At least before said boys entered the great hall, and then I would make my exit. "They are the most-" Before she could begin what I am sure would be a very moving speech about the guys' awesomeness Ivy cut her off.

"Of course she knows them, nitwit." Aha, so I'm not the only one who can see it. The derogatory term did fit the fan girls. "She's James's sister." So Longhorn isn't as dumb as the people she associates with. Duly noted. She then looked at me with an expectant look on her face. "Well?" She asked. If I knew the answer to her question, believe me I would have answered. Maybe, or at least answered with a fake answer, just to mess with her some more. Honestly, this was the most entertaining and annoying thing that had happened to me since the guys (I _refuse_ to call them the Marauders since it was _me_ that came up with the bloody nickname-even in my thoughts so judge me all you please) made the fifth year Slytherins wear Gryffindor robes (by magic of course) at the Welcome Feast for the start of the year prank. But back to my annoyance at the nitwits, which was growing by the moment.

I raised my eyebrow at her and smirked. "Looks like I'm almost as famous as big bro." I said, tone laced heavily with sarcasm and this time I'm positive even Siskins picked up on it. "Well what? Took you long enough?" I asked, wanting to leave because my table was getting full and I'm sure the four idiots would be arriving soon. That's probably what the two nitwits were waiting by me for anyways. _Bloody trollups._

"Don't be so stingy, Potter." Clearly, she didn't know my first name; again, my confidence went down the toilets. "Tell us all about them." Longhorn broke her cold bitch persona, linked her arm with mine, and dragged me down to sit at the **Gryffindor** table with her. Seriously, the audacity of this girl! Has she no shame? Not that I did, but a _respectable_ Ravenclaw should. But I guess those were hard to come by.

"I know they always spend the summer at your mansion. So dish! What is it like?" She asked me, dragging Maria on the other side of me. I'm trapped. Trapped between dumb and bitchier and forced to answer questions about the very bane of my existence.

Clearly, I did something horrid in my past life and I was being punished for it. Maybe I was Slytherin? Surely, he'd be subjected to torture of this kind, and he couldn't do anything to escape the vapid little leeches that were these two and any other fan girl for that matter. I tried to free myself from their grasp but I lacked the clingy talents of the fan girls so I was forced (might as well be at wand point) to answer their questions. Even my years as seeker for the team didn't stand a chance, as I didn't have the upper arm strength of the other positions on the team. "Uhm, a big pain in my arse?" I said, confused. Surely, these girls knew that I didn't associate with them anymore. The entire school could see that for the past year or so I haven't been close to the guys. The student body spent two months buzzing at the lack of Kylie Potter standing next to the four boys last year. It was ridiculous the amount of time this school wasted with gossip (okay, so I did partake in it when it didn't concern me or _them_ \- sue me for being a teenage girl). But Longhorn's voice broke my thoughts before I could be allowed to muse in further details.

"Don't be silly, I know you don't talk in school but you _live_ with James," so she did pay attention. At the word James, Siskins sighed and I nearly barfed. Clearly, she was one of the few (and _extremely_ delusional) that believed she could win James' affections. Sorry to disappoint the love struck fans (or not at all), but competing with Lily Evans would be setting up for failure. "But they spend the entire summer with you! So, tell!" If I had known bitchier would be so demanding I would have gladly left when I had the chance. "What did they do?" Longhorn asked. "What do they sleep in?" Siskins added a dreamy look on her face that made me want to barf up that roast beef I just ate. "What? Like you weren't thinking it?" Maria said defensively when bitchier glared at her.

"James is my _brother_!" It was disgusting for them even thinking I'd want to 'dish' on him. I tried to free my arms from their death grips, this was going nowhere but everywhere fast and I wanted nothing more than to be in my next class, even if it was double Potions. Honestly, I'd rather have a duel with Snape, Mulciber, _and_ Nott than play fan girl with these two.

Longhorn sighed while frowning at me. Clearly, she realized this was a waste of time. "Okay, so the others. Namely Sirius." Or not. These two were looking _excessively_ eager in my opinion. I rolled my eyes, not hiding my annoyance now.

"They sleep in the nude." I said, and they squealed, but not in shock- much to my chagrin, in **delight**. I continued, hoping they'd get smart and realized what a big waste of time this was and I wasn't going to get them 'in with the Marauders' as they thought. "And they have pillow fights all night, _totally butt naked_. And afterwards, all hot and sweaty, they go skinny dipping in the pond in the backyard." I embellished. Okay, so it _did_ happen that one time, but they weren't _completely_ naked (thank Merlin) either time or it was more of a wrestle match than anything and a chance to try to drown each other in the pond, or at least drown me in the pond. "Then they cuddle and tell each other how pretty they are!" To say I was sarcastic would be an understatement. These two were trying my last nerve. The fun was now waning and I was in desperate need of a reprieve from the stupidity of fangirls.

They frowned while clearly realizing I was lying and wouldn't be any help to them. Longhorn was the first to recover. "Don't be such a loser, Potter." She said glaring at me and then all of a sudden nearly fell on the floor as she jumped out of her seat. I just looked at her, confused. She started to smooth her hair and pulled Siskins up with her. "How's my-" She began to ask but got cut off by my scream.

So I'm a complete wuss and whenever people try to scare me, it usually succeeds. Most of the times they don't even have to try scaring me, they just jump out from a statue and I scream. And I have the perfect horror movie scream, just saying. I could so be an actress. Anyways, my scream, and reason for doing so…yeah, someone put their hand on my shoulder and said my name. _Okay_ , totally not a big reason to freak out, but I am jumpy, and get startled easily. Sue me for being that way! Or not because that wouldn't be necessary because I doubt it'd hold up within the courts.

"Bloody hell Kylie!" I heard a mumbled, and very pissed off, voice behind me. Oh, I may have jumped out of my seat while screaming and my head _might_ have collided with the person's face. I have been called hardheaded. "Calm down, people are staring." I rolled my eyes and turned to face my 'attacker'. Granted, attackers don't really say your name unless they're screaming and running after you, but whatever. How should I know? The _millions_ of time that I had a screaming axe murderer after me? No, but I could _totally_ act like it. See, I am actress worthy. Or maybe I was a masochist, or just clumsy.

"You scared me! Why should I calm down?" I'm also kind of neurotic and it doesn't bode well with many others, especially since the two nitwits were pissing me off just moments ago. "Its not like I-" But when I finally managed to see who my 'attacker' was, I softened and felt bad. I only felt a little guilty, but I wasn't angry anymore. "I'm sorry Remus." I said, stepping towards him and checking to see if his nose was broken. A bit of blood dripped from it. "I didn't mean to." I said lamely, feeling incredibly awkward with the two nitwits giggling behind me. To make matters worse, the rest of my brother's friends show up just as Remus tells me he's fine and not to worry. Or what he said was "Bime bine, bon't borry." I'm sure his nose is broken.

"Moony did you manage to-" Sirius's voice was louder than needed but was his regular 'inside' voice. The boy loved being heard. When he saw me standing next to a 'bloodied' Remus he and the rest of the boys stopped a few feet from me. "What happened here?" He asked, looking from me to Remus. "Kylie, you hit Remus?" James asked, in shock but I could tell he wanted nothing more than to laugh. Of course, everything was _my_ fault. Thank you, big brother, for making this annoying situation even worse. And to think my day was bad earlier. And it was only **lunch**!

Now the anger returned as I glared at James, his face so similar to mine. Granted, I wasn't entirely angry with James, more at Sirius with his accusation, but James drew my fire first. "No, I did not." It took some strength to keep my temper calm and not to yell at him for accusing me without even bothering to ask Remus or even me first. And, to make matters worse, the gigglers behind me wouldn't shut up.

"Oh she did, I saw her!" Siskins chimed in, not bothering with the truth at all, as long as James looked at her or spoke to her. Obviously, she thought that he'd come and sweep her off her feet if she lied about me. Total logic there, I don't know why James didn't even look at her. _Stupid Ravenclaw._

"Shut up, that's not what happened." Remus growled, glaring at the girl. Or at least I think that's what he was trying to say. He said it as best as he could without hurting his nose. I think I did break it. Remus looked aggravated, and I couldn't help but wonder how soon the next full moon was. It had to be getting close, Remus hardly got angry, and then again, it could just be stress.

"Then why is your nose broken?" Sirius asked stupidly, and the giggles started up again. My hand twitched and I put it in my robes, wrapping it around my wand. I thought of all the curses I wanted to do on them, and it only placated me a little.

"He scared me." I said calmly and slowly, not able to elaborate any further as I wanted nothing more than to run from here. But I couldn't. The guys were too fast and would catch me and restrain me or do something else to make me stay there and _talk_ with them. I didn't want to _talk_ to any of them. Not even Remus. 

The guys were looking at me, very confused now. Except for Remus, who was looking in his bag (for his wand I guess) "Want me to fix it?" I asked him, and he looked at me gratefully and nodded. "Episkey." I pointed my wand at his face and muttered the charm I'd used a million times on James or Sirius after pranks gone wrong or Quidditch practices and games. "Thanks." He said, slightly embarrassed, as was I.

"How did he scare you?" Sirius asked and I turned to him, rolling my eyes.

"Does it matter? No, so I'll be going now that Remus is all fixed." I said, returning my wand to my pocket and turned towards the doors.

I made it two steps passed him until his hand was on my shoulder and I froze. "How did he scare you?" He repeated. Clearly, he missed out on the fact that I spent over a year ignoring him. Way to go Sirius- _freaking_ -Black.

I turned to glare at him, "Just like _that_." I said, forcibly removing his hand from my shoulder. "I'm jumpy, okay? He said my name when I wasn't expecting it and I jumped out of my seat and my head collided with his nose. So there, just let me leave." I said calmly but with a hint of finality in my voice. I just stared at the face I'd come to know almost as well as my own. I made my move to leave when James's voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"No." James's voice was low and tinged with anger; it startled me and made me snap my head to where he was standing next to Remus. "I'm sick and tired of you always running off away from us." James said, exasperated as if he even cared. I glared at him. He acted like he knew what the hell he was talking about. "You haven't said two words to us in a long time Kylie! I tried to do it your way, and give you your space but I am beyond sick of it! I cover for you with Mum and Dad. Don't think I don't know you snuck out over the summer because I'm no bloody git. I waited for you to come and talk to me, Ky, I really did. But I'm done, I want to know what the bloody hell is wrong with you." He said all this so very calmly it unnerved me. James was never this calm about his anger it was frightening to experience. In that moment I knew he'd one day make a powerful enemy.

Our little 'group' was starting to attract many stares from people sitting down eating or passing by. To be honest, a scene like this in the great hall was a bad idea, especially since it was a sensitive subject to me and the fact that James had no clue didn't help. He obviously didn't remember so why the hell should I remind him? My heart started racing and I could feel panic set in. My hands got clammy and my vision was starting to fog up while I felt the familiar burning sensation that came right before the sobs. I willed my heart to slow down and my breathing to maintain a steady pace. I needed this to stop. I couldn't break down. Not here, not in front of all of Hogwarts. I had to escape.

I narrowed my eyes, biting back tears as I fingered the wand in my pocket, the comfort coming instantly knowing it was in my hands and I could easily use it to calm myself. "Don't you dare make this my fault, James Potter, you didn't _want_ to know what was wrong with me before, so _why_ should it matter now?" My voice was low and dark. My gaze at him unwavering as I forced back tears. I wasn't a crier, especially in public, but the events of last year did nothing to help my emotional wellbeing. It was then Sirius turned towards James and shook his head. James looked like he was about to yell at me but was cut off from a look from Sirius.

"James, let her go." My jaw dropped. He didn't just say that. He couldn't have said that. James looked just as shocked as I was, and was now slowly opening and closing his mouth in shock, looking utterly bewildered. Remus raised his eyebrow, intrigued but not shocked as much. "But-" was all that my big brother could manage to say to Sirius.

Sirius turned towards me, an apologetic look across his aristocratic features that was slightly foreign to me. "You should go." He said, low enough for me to hear it. The tone of his voice startled me into reality and I quickly nodded my agreement. His interference reminding me of how much he's (we all have to be honest) grown and how we're not exactly children anymore and very soon we would be out upon the world.

Whatever just changed in Sirius baffled us all because even the giggling fan girls looked dumbfounded. But they were more out of the loop than James or Remus at the moment. I turned from them and hurried away. They didn't call after me or follow me after I made it through the doors. They didn't even ask me if I was all right. It was then the tears began to fall and I didn't stop crying until I made it to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Baboons." I said, brushing the tears from my eyes. She eyed me curiously, but opened up nonetheless. I ran towards the staircases and up towards the girl's dormitory. Flinging open the door, I sighed with relief to find the room empty. I didn't want _yet another_ run in with people asking me questions I didn't want to answer.

I headed towards my bed and threw my things needed for Potions in my bag, and hurried towards the adjacent washroom to wash my face. I stared into the mirror, inspecting my eyes. They weren't blood-shot anymore and I didn't have any sort of puffy-ness on my face so I suppose I should be happy. Sighing, I debated whether or not I should cast a cheering charm on myself. In the end, I decided against it- no one would really notice if I was any different. 

I exited the room and grabbed my bag from my bed. Potions would be starting in ten minutes, so I made my way down the staircase and out of the common room. I decided against taking the long way to the dungeons, thinking that it'd be easier if I didn't run into people. So I was off, slipping behind tapestries that allowed me to move down a floor quicker and within a few minutes, I was down in the dungeons and standing in front of the door of the potions classroom. Professor Slughorn wasn't in sight when I walked in the room and took my usual seat at the front. I got out my book and potion kit, waiting for the rest of class to enter. I took out the book I was reading, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I'm a sucker for the classics. It was my tenth time rereading this book since Mum got it for me when I turned eleven, as I always read it at least once a year. Sue me for being a hopeless romantic. Not that anyone knew this, nope. I firmly believed in keeping my pathetic desires to myself, which is why Jane Austen was dressed up like my Ancient Runes textbook. I learned fast that it was better to be teased for reading a textbook while having a prat for a brother with three gits for best friends.

* * *

I didn't notice the class get fuller until I heard Slughorn's booming voice. "Welcome class, welcome. Now, today we are going to see if you learned anything from your essays, which I shall take up now. So, pass them forward." The class groaned at this and began to shove their parchments forward.

"Today we shall begin work on the Confusing, or Befuddlement, Draughts. Can anyone tell me the purpose of said potions?" Slughorn was always too cheerful in my opinion. And possibly oblivious to half the things that went on during class, seeing as the troublemakers, i.e. James and Sirius, were in Slug Club. As was Lily and Snape so anything the four did to each other went unseen by good old Sluggy; gits the whole lot of them.

Naturally, Lily and Snape raised their hands, them being both excessive know-it-alls as well as _fucking brilliant_ in Potions. I mean, I'm good, but that slimy git was probably better than Horace Slughorn. "To confuse?" Sirius blurted out behind me. I could almost hear the smirk on his face as the class, minus the Slytherins of course, didn't bother stifling their laughter. Lily let out an indignant huff and I could see the glare from where she sat in the next row beside me. Snape looked annoyed, but maybe that was just a permanent expression on his face. Regardless, they were a pair of annoyed know-it-alls who didn't get a chance to recite their textbook answer.

Slughorn laughed at Sirius's outburst. "Very obvious, I suppose I should have expected that from you, Mr. Black, but take five points anyways." Oh yeah, only Sirius- _fucking_ -Black would get points for talking out of turn. From _Slytherin_ Head of House, no less. _Prat_. Have I ever mentioned he is the **bane** of my _existence_ , no? Well the right git is. 

After James clapped him in congratulations, Slughorn clasped his hands together in eagerness. Oh boy, here it comes. "Today we shall be working on said potions. I want you guys to pair up with someone else and get to work. Vials will be on my desk at the end of the period, if your potion is…salvageable." With that, he glanced at Sirius and James. Although my brother and Sirius were brilliant, sometimes their restlessness (for lack of an nicer word) got the better of them and they ended up botching their (or someone else's) potion while being distracted (or doing the distractions their selves. Granted, we all made it past OWLs, a fair few from each house made it so there were two different Potion sixth year classes, this one we had with our Slytherin counterparts.

Sighing at the thought of having to waste my time with a partner, I walked up to Slughorn. "Professor-" I began when that stupid jolly person grinned at me and cut me off. You know, for a Slytherin he is too…Hufflepuff for me. Seriously, no one, and I mean no one should be that happy this far down in the dungeons.

"Potter, my dear girl, how have you been? Avoiding my dinner parties, shame on you." He said this to me, as if it was this big deal. Yeah, so I was kind of in the Slug Club, but I only stayed for the entertainment that was provided by my brother and Sirius. Seriously, those guys made Professor Binn's History of Magic class entertaining if they worked for it.

"Actually, professor, I've just been really busy, class you know? Its time I really started buckling down and decide what I want to do with my life." I said, trying to smile but it was more of a grimace. Slughorn didn't notice and shook his head.

"Now-now, don't go lying to me. All of the other sixth years made it to my dinner last Friday, and I would have liked to have the Potter set!" That's the thing with Slughorn. He acted like we were his property or something and used us when we got all famous later on in life. He also had a thing for twins, or 'sets' as he called them. Any kind of famous or talented siblings he wanted in his stupid club. That's partially the reason Sirius was in, especially since Slughorn saw Regulus get sorted into Slytherin. That kind of made him mad, and he didn't invite Sirius into the club until third year, when it was evident that Sirius was brilliant and didn't need studying or anything to be so. _Bastard_. Anyway, back to Sluggy.

"I'm sorry, Professor." I liked through my teeth. Again, I didn't really care for the fat man; an arm thrown around my shoulders and a voice in my ear cut the rest of my sentence off "I just-" was all that came out.

I would have screamed, but this person also prevented me from doing so. "Calm down, and I'll save you." Stupid git. Sirius, of course, sought out to rescue me from another entrapment of Horace Slughorn. Ah, someone kill me now.

"Now there you are, Kylie! We should get started on our potion!" Sirius said, grinning that stupid smile at Slughorn, who didn't notice my discomfort but beamed at the sight of Sirius.

"Ah, Mr. Black, I was just telling Ms. Potter how we missed her last Friday. It wasn't the same without her!" Slughorn was such a liar! Oh, that man was so on my hit list.

Sirius, of course, just grinned. "Of course we did! Nothing is the same without good old Kylie!" He said, squeezing my shoulders and flashing what I'm sure he thought was a charming smile at me. Git. He was right. "And she'll be there this Friday!" He began and I stomped on his foot, outraged at him for saying that. No way in hell was I-

"Calm down!" He whispered in my ear and my train of thought was cut off as I realized how close we were. I bit my lip, fighting back the images and thoughts in my head. Now was _not_ the time or place to break down.

"Oh splendid! Now run along, you two have a potion to work on!" Slughorn said waving his hands away at us as Sirius steered me to the cabinet that held the extra ingredients. When we were away from Slughorn and the rest of the class (who were all paired up and working), I rounded on him and shoved him away from me.

"What the hell are you playing at?" I hissed at him, scowling. He had no right to just waltz up like he owned the place. Sirius just rolled his eyes and retrieved the sneezewort, scurvy grass, and lovage that we'd need for the potion from the cabinet.

"Sorry for saving you." His voice was joking, as if he was actually enjoying seeing me worked up. He then proceeded to walk back to my table and set up the cauldron.

"What?" I said incredulously, stomping my way to the table. Normally, I was all calm, cool, and collected (that's actually a blatant lie but it's what I like to tell myself during times like this). But Sirius- _freaking_ -Black got under my skin, like way under. Again, he was the bane of my existence if I hadn't already made that clear enough.

"I said," He began to repeat himself but I cut him off with a glare. "Fine, Kylie, just go ahead and mope and ignore me and curse me a million times in your head and plot every detail of my death but we need to get started on this potion." Oh the fact that the bastard knew me just set me off more. But the git was right. We'd be lucky if we managed to finish a decent potion if I kept acting like this, a fact that just made me hate him even more. So, I then stood next to him and flipped open my potions book.

We set to work, not talking or touching or any other sort of contact. We worked quickly and effortlessly and it bugged me. Even after months and months of not speaking or working together, we still worked flawlessly and in sync with one another. Oh the joy. Not.

Sirius was about to stir it when I put a hand on top of his to spot him. "Don't, it's easier if you add a clockwise stir and then two counter." I said and he turned to look at me, confused.

"The book says," He turned and read it. "Three counter clockwise and then let sit until it changes shade." He said, turning back towards me.

"Since when do you read the book?" I countered, raising my own eyebrow. He rolled his eyes. "Since Slughorn refused to put instructions on the board." Its true, up until this year Slughorn had always put his instructions on the board, sometimes they were different than the books. It made class easier.

"Slughorn won't be there for you during the rest of your life." I said, smirking at him. Of course, he just rolled his eyes. "That still doesn't explain why I should change my stirring." He said, and now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Look over there." I said, pointing towards Lily and Snape, who were, obviously, the farthest in their potion. "He's doing it like I just said." Of course, pointing out Snape made Sirius's face-harden and he glared at me.

"So what if Snivellus is doing it? That doesn't mean that I should." He could be so stubborn and it made me want to slap him.

"He is the best in this class for a reason, and if you spent more time observing him instead of hexing him you'd see he doesn't do things by the book and there is a reason for him topping even Lily in the class." I said slowly and in a low voice. No way in hell was I letting Snape know I paid any attention to him, he'd probably hex me or slip some nasty potion in my pumpkin juice during breakfast.

Sirius gapped at me, as if this idea was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. "I do not want to waste my time staring at that…thing." His voice was angry and I rolled my eyes.

"You do that anyways by spending time on hexing and pranking him. At least this way you'll get a better grade instead of a detention!" I huffed while he glared at me.

We stood there for a moment, just glaring at each other until I realized that my hand was still on his. I pulled back quickly, feeling my hand burn. He too noticed and turned back towards the potion. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts as I readied the next ingredient. I learned a lot by just watching and observing him to know that Severus Snape knew his shit when it came to Potions and I had no doubt in my mind that the guy could seriously be a bad enemy once we left the safety of the castle. I for one did not want to be on his hit list, a fact that James and Sirius paid no attention to seeing as they were currently fighting for the top spots, even though James rightly held it due to his infatuation with Lily. There was just something about that girl that sent him and Snape head over heels for her.

"Alright now you can add it." Sirius's voice broke my thoughts and I handed him the next ingredient, and he looked at me. "Do I stir fourteen times or is there an easier way?" He asked and I snapped my head towards him, shocked he had even listened to me. "Seven clockwise and seven counter, alternate every two stirs. So stir clockwise, clockwise and then counter, counter..." I muttered as he turned back towards the potion. That boy never ceased to surprise me.


End file.
